Sex Ed 101
Questions about sexuality? Pregnancy? Virginity? Weird lumps? We've got you covered. Please keep in mind that our columnists are not qualified doctors, and if there is anything severely wrong, GO TO A DOCTOR!
Free BC?
Ok, so I want to get on birth control (I'm 19) and my partner wants me to also. But I don't have steady work, and cannot talk to my mother about it at all, which means no financial assistance there either. So, I was going to go to planned parenthood, because I've heard of some cases where girls get the pill for free there. Can anybody get it for free? What are the requirements? PLEASE PLEASE help me if you can. Thank you!!4sure86 | age 19 | July 31, 2010
JamieG says...
So, I went to the Planned Parenthood page on the pill, and the best answer that I can give you is: maybe.If for some reason you need to have a medical exam before they'll prescribe you the pill, that will cost you extra; how much extra depends on the type of exam, I imagine, as they gave a very wide range ($35-$250). If you do need to pay for the prescription, it would cost you somewhere around 15-50 dollars a month. However, some Planned Parenthood centers will give it to you at a reduced rate (maybe even free). To find out more information, since I don't know where you live or anything like that, you need to call up your local Planned Parenthood and ask them for information.
Good luck! I hope it works out for you!
Tags: contraception, birth control pills, sex ed, planned parenthood
Does The Withdrawal Method Actually Work?
My boyfriend and I use condoms most of the time, but every once in a while, we don't. And he uses the pull-out method. Is that effective against preventing pregnancy? I've heard mixed answers, so I'm confused. Please help! Thank you!4sure86 | age 19 | July 30, 2010
JamieG says...
The withdrawal, or pull-out, method of birth control does reduce your chances of pregnancy somewhat, though not nearly as much as hormonal (the pill) or barrier (a condom) methods. The exact numbers are hard to come by - as you said, there are mixed answers - but Planned Parenthood has a chart that puts it as being about 70% effective at preventing pregnancy (or resulting in about 30 pregnancies per 100 women using it every year).There are problems with using withdrawal as your chosen form of birth control. For one, pre-ejaculate can contain some sperm, which is still enough to get you pregnant. Also, sometimes guys make mistakes and don't pull out quickly enough.
Really, whether you think it's worth the risk is up to you. Condoms are extremely reliable with perfect use; the withdrawal method is not. I would encourage everyone who is not 100% ready to deal with becoming pregnant (and whatever the personal consequences of that pregnancy may be) to both get on hormonal birth control if it is safe for them, and to use a condom every time they have sex which might result in pregnancy (that meaning, penis-in-vagina intercourse, not oral, or anal, or manual or anything else). And if someone is not 100% certain that both they and their partner are completely free of infection, I would strongly recommend that they use a condom every time even for alternative forms of sex.
However, that's irrelevant. There is a higher risk of pregnancy with the withdrawal method than regular condom use; however, if you are for whatever reason not going to use a condom on any particular occasion, pulling out is better than nothing.
Tags: birth control, sex ed, withdrawal
Isolation Is A Big Red Flag
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He is the first boyfriend I have had that is not a total d-bag, and he treats me really well. We only have one problem with our relationship, but it is pretty big and making things hard.My best friend and him got along at first, but a few months ago he started getting upset when she would want girl time with me, or if she wanted to hang out with me and a few people but not him. She did not exclude him all the time, and if she did not want girl time or girl talk then he was always welcome to hang out. He started getting really annoyed because he said she was stealing me away from him to talk to me about whatever problems she had, and that she is selfish and manipulative. She says the same thing about him, because he does not like to spend any time apart from me. I love them both to death, and I love spending time with him but I don't see what the problem is if my best friend wants to spend some time with just me without him. I have been in her situation before, and I know what it is like to always have a good friends boyfriend or significant other around all the time. Sometimes it is nice to have one on one time with someone else besides him, or hang with a small group of friends without him.
Recently he posted something on facebook about her interfering in his life because she once called me at 1am needing a ride because she was stranded and since we live together if I am out late or whatever it messes up his sleep. If he is going to bed and I want to go out at like 11 to hang with whoever he says that I should go to bed at the same time as him. But because of his facebook status, which was mean and immature, she totally hates him now, and he hates her, and they do not ever want to talk or be around each other, thus dragging me into the middle all the time. They have both done and said mean things to eachother, and I do not know what to do anymore. I do not want to choose either one, I want to be able to have both of them in my life without this constant drama going on. I am almost 22 and he is almost 25, and she is 23 so we are grown up and not in high school anymore. I don't know how to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with girl time and that we are not trying to hurt him and exclude him, but he says girl time is unnecessary and if I need space to hang out with my friends then I should not date him. I can't stand this anymore because it is tearing my best friend and I apart, and my boyfriend and I are always arguing about it, it is the only thing we ever argue about, everything else is great with us and he really does make me happy, except for this crap that is going on. Help!!!
Anonymous | age 21 | July 25, 2010
JamieG says...
Honestly, your question reads like one big red flag. Misunderstandings can happen between people, especially when they both want the same thing (your time/attention). But the fact that he says, basically, that if you're with him then you can't see anyone else socially is just bad. Isolating a partner from social networks (friends, family, etc.) is a common tactic in abusive relationships. Demanding that you go to bed whenever he does also seems overly controlling. I'm not saying this to be mean, or to scare you, but because I'm concerned. I might be reading too much into this, but please take this seriously. Here is a little guide to relationship abuse; I want you to read it, and see if any of it fits your relationship. Also, ask your friends and family what they think about your boyfriend. It's possible that they're seeing patterns or aspects of his behavior that you're not noticing, and that may be important for you to see.Now, assuming that it really is just one quirk that your boyfriend has (as much as I really don't think that it's the case), I would still rethink the relationship. I mean, he has told you directly that if you want to have friends then you should break up. Are you really prepared to deal with only having him in your life - on a social, not just romantic, level - indefinitely? Even if it's just one issue that the two of you have, and everything else is absolutely perfect, it's a pretty damn big issue to overlook; this isn't him not liking your cooking, or he leaves his towels on the floor, or something like that. It seems like your boyfriend is making you choose between him and your friends - and personally, I always side with the person who isn't issuing ultimatums.
I truly wish you the best of luck with this situation, and hope that you'll keep me updated.
Tags: relationships, abuse, sex ed
Yeast Infections
I have a question about yeast infections. I get them pretty frequently and it's pretty annoying. Are there ways to prevent them? I didn't actually know what it was for a while, so I've only taken a medication for it once, but it was a prescription from my doctor. Are there any over-the-counter medicines I can take to get rid of them? Thanks so much guys! You're always a huge help.Jennifer | age 20 | July 24, 2010
JamieG says...
A better person to tell you how to prevent yeast infections would have been your doctor, but I'll do my best! There are a few main factors that contribute to getting a yeast infection. Taking antibiotics can actually increase the likelihood, as odd as that may seem; they disrupt the natural balance of bacteria and things in/around your genitals. Make sure that you're changing your underwear frequently and washing it thoroughly, especially during an infection. Yeast infections can be sexually transmitted, or even just a side-effect of fluctuating hormones (particularly if you're on a hormonal contraceptive). Really, there are many different things that can increase your chances, and it would take me all day to go through all of them. If none of the things I listed seem relevant or likely, though, try a few links:- Michigan State University has a page about it for some reason.
- A women's health page about it
- Monistat, an OTC yeast infection treatment, lists causes as well.
There are over the counter treatments for yeast infections. I believe Monistat is the most common, though there are some others. If you're certain that it's a yeast infection that's causing your symptoms, there's nothing wrong with using an OTC treatment. However, if it doesn't respond to the medicine, or if you're not sure that it's a yeast infection instead of something else - certain STDs can look like yeast infections - do yourself a favor and go see a doctor.
We're always happy to help, and love hearing that the advice is useful. Thank you for reading!
Tags: yeast infection, sex ed
Does He Like It?
Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been dating a length of time, we love spending time and doing regular boyfriend and girlfriend things. We are also sexually active and we do other things to keep the relationship sparked. He's my first but he's also a year and a half older than me. He is experienced. And yes, every time I do something sexually for him he cums. I just don't know how to make sure what I'm doing is good, or if he likes me. What do I do?hunnybun23 | age 15 | July 22, 2010
JamieG says...
If what you do is consensual and gets him off, chances are he's enjoying it - regardless of your respective amounts of experience. I'm not your boyfriend, and I can't tell you specifically what he wants, or how satisfied he is.A good general rule for relationships (sexual ones, specifically) that I like to stick to is that if you're doing something with another person, you should be able to talk about it. If you're too embarrassed or insecure to ask your boyfriend whether he's enjoying what you two do, or whether he would like to do something different, or whatever, it seems to me like you don't trust him enough or you're not comfortable enough with him to be getting sexually intimate.
My advice, if you're concerned, is to ask him about it. And if you're not comfortable doing that, my advice is to stop. I'm not going to tell you that you're too young to be engaging in sexual activities, or that your boyfriend is too old for you, or anything like that. But I will tell you that you should never do something that you're not comfortable with, and you should never do things with a person with whom you are not comfortable. If you don't feel like you can ask your boyfriend whether he likes you, or whether he likes what you're doing sexually, I would question the relationship itself - not just the sex.
Tags: sex, relationships, sex ed
Sex In A Pool
Two days ago I had sex with my boyfriend and it was unprotected. We've had sex before and we always use a condom and I'm looking into getting on birth control by the end of this month, but on the 18th we went swimming and we were making out a lot and his parents went to sleep and we were pretty much left alone in his pool at night. Well things got a little too hot and heavy and like I said, we had sex. We went for like a minute or so, and then he pulled out, and 5 minutes later he put it back in for another minute or so... and he pulled out again. My period usually starts anywhere from the 24th to the end of the month. Could I be pregnant?scared to death | age 16 | July 21, 2010
JamieG says...
Yes, it's possible. If he didn't ejaculate inside of you, it's less likely than it would be otherwise, but pre-ejaculate can contain some sperm. If you don't get your period - or if it's unusually light, as that can be implantation bleeding indicating pregnany, instead of an actual period - take a pregnancy test.Sex in a pool is just as likely to get you pregnant as sex on dry land (and possibly more likely to result in chafing - ow!). Pulling out is not a reliable method of birth control. Using a condom most of the time is good, but using a condom all of the time is even better.
Tags: pregnancy, sex ed, withdrawal method
Plan B, Birth Control, And Your Period
I had unprotected sex today at around 2 pm. I'm on Ortho Cyclen birth control, but I don't always take it at the same time every day so I took Plan B tonight around 7. Should I keep taking my birth control as I normally would? Usually I would expect my period around next Tuesday, how will Plan B effect my period? Thanks so much!Jessi | age 20 | July 19, 2010
JamieG says...
Yes, you should keep taking your birth control like normal, since Plan B doesn't protect for any longer than the day you've taken it. Plan B should not affect the timing of your period; if you're due to get it next Tuesday, and it's more than one week late, it may not have worked so you should take a pregnancy test.Tags: contraception, periods, birth control pills, plan b, sex ed
I Look Weird
I am not normal. Let me begin by describing my problem. I can't orgasm by touching myself AT ALL unless I tighten my butt, thighs, and stretch out my feet really hard. I'm worried that I wont be able to get off by my boyfriend fingering me (without me looking like a weirdo with my legs all tight and weird) or even having sex. Please help!anon | age 20 | July 17, 2010
JamieG says...
Yes, you are normal. Everyone does different things in order to orgasm, basically. And to answer a question that you didn't actually ask, you probably won't be able to orgasm from intercourse alone; most women can't.For me, sex with myself versus sex with another person are two entirely different things; what holds true for one definitely does not hold true for the other. So maybe you'll find that, with a partner, you don't need to stretch and tighten your muscles in order to have an orgasm. If you do, though, chances are that he won't notice if you're stretching or whatnot. He'll probably be a bit busy right then, and let's face it: people do weird things during sex. It looks funny sometimes. Some people make awkward faces. I don't know of anyone who refuses sex with their partner because he or she looks funny when they're having an orgasm, or even thinks that it matters at all. So even if you look absolutely hilarious trying to get off (which you probably don't; you're probably way more critical of yourself than anyone else would be), the most that'll happen is he'll think it's a little weird and then he'll carry on.
Tags: orgasm, masturbation, sex ed
Family Bonding
I just started dating this guy and met his family, he is the only boy with 2 older sisters and a Italian mother from New York. What are some things I could do to be more bonding with his mom and sisters? I really like him he's such a gentlemen but I don't want to make a fool of myself or say something wrong for them not to like me. :( Any words of wisdom... lolbecome friends with the mamadukes and sisters.... | age 20 | July 16, 2010
JamieG says...
That's always a tough situation, at least for me. If it makes you feel any better, chances are they're not actually looking to hate you, so they won't jump on you for any single minor infraction - and if they do, they weren't going to like you no matter what you do or say, so there's no point worrying about it.Aside from that, do you have anything in common with them? Or is there any particular skill that his mother and sisters have that you would like to learn? For example, if one of his sisters really likes zombie movies (and so do you), you could see if she wanted to see a new one with you when it comes out. Or if his mom is a stellar cook (and you go over there for dinner or something), lay on the praise and maybe ask her to share one of your boyfriend's favorite recipes. I wouldn't try to spend every weekend over there or anything, but if you want to make a good impression and maybe even have a separate relationship with them, don't be afraid to hang out with them without your boyfriend every once in a while.
But even if you're not trying to form some super-tight personal bond with them, remember basic guidelines for playing nice with people you don't know very well: always use your best manners, ask lots of questions when you're talking, and stay away from 'serious' topics, like religion and politics.
Good luck!
Tags: relationships, sex ed, in-laws
Did Plan B Work?
I recently was initmate with a guy but for the first time, I didn't use protection with him. I took the Plan B pill the next day. And that was about 5 days before I got my period. And I did get my period. But is it possible to have sex, then get your period, but then also become pregnant? I just ask because this all happened right before that time of the month. So, even though I got it, is there any chance I could still be pregnant?Thank you!
4sure86 | age 19 | July 16, 2010
JamieG says...
The Planned Parenthood page about emergency contraception (also known as Plan B or the morning-after pill) says that it's about 89% effective if you begin taking it within 3 days of having unprotected intercourse, which you did. Also, since you did have your period, it is even less likely that you are pregnant.However, women have been known to mistake spotting while pregnant for having a regular menstrual period. Most likely, if you are pregnant, what you experienced was implantation bleeding (which is often taken as an early or unusually light period). Remember, though, that you're probably not pregnant (but you should still probably take a pregnancy test in another few weeks, just to be sure).
In the future, you should be sure to consistently use contraception before or while having sex that could lead to pregnancy unless you are ready to deal with the repercussions of becoming pregnant. Plan B is a form of contraception, and it is safe and relatively reliable, but birth control pills and condoms are both more so. Good luck!
Tags: pregnancy, contraception, plan b, sex ed