Coming of Age
Loving Yourself
Loving yourself - sounds incredibly easy right? WRONG. In my 19 years living with myself, I have realized it is almost harder to love yourself than to love someone else. I have always found truly loving myself especially hard because I'm a perfectionist and therefore extremely hard on myself, but I'll give just about everyone around me chance after chance after chance. It wasn't until a few months ago that I really needed to work on loving myself. I had been sleeping with the same guy for about a year, and we were moving towards relationship when I discovered via Facebook that he was in a relationship (pretty classy for someone who was supposed to be my best friend huh?). The signs were everywhere that he was with this other girl while we were working our own business out, but I chose to ignore the gossip, until the gossip proved to be extremely true. I tried to pull myself away from him once I knew of his relationship, but in the end, I let him cheat on her with me. Six days later they were engaged (again, his class astounds me). He has done a number terrible things to me (some not mentioned here), but I still clung on to him like he was my last chance for survival. I listened to one song constantly: "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins. Once I finally listened to the words of that song, I had an epiphany of sorts.
"I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should."
I remember reading those words and thinking, "Who are you? Without him? Without anyone? What makes you a worthwhile human being?" So I set out to answer those questions in the most positive ways possible. Everyday over my winter break I sat at my vanity as I got ready for work and I talked to myself in the mirror, as if I were at an interview. It started out very formal at first, and then it slowly turned into something less formal, as if I were making a new acquaintance. I would talk about my school, my major, the dance team I was on, my friends, my family, stuff I did when I was all alone, random thoughts that entered my head that day, etc. As I talked to myself I started to notice things I liked about myself: the way I smiled with my whole face and not just my mouth, the way I could talk about a painting or an artist for hours on end, my constant need for noise/business, the way I hate having my feet covered, what have you. And slowly, very slowly, I've started to love myself - the smiley, strong, independent, creative woman who doesn't need anyone to define who she is.
Cate | age 19 | United States | April 21, 2010
Tags: relationships, happiness, crush zone, loving yourself, satisfaction
What Does Coming of Age Even Mean?
The term "coming of age" descrives a young person's transition from being a child to being an independent, productive adult person. While more about maturity and personal experience, growth, and development (e.g. when is someone mature and cogniscent enough in the Mormon or Quaker faiths is based on the individual rather than a set time) and some coming of age milestones are measured the same across the board (e.g. in the United States you cannot drink alcohol legally until you are 21).
Coming of age is a universal concept that is observed in all cultures (because no matter what, everyone's got to grow up some time). It is also a concept that Hollywood has found to be particularly lucrative. Some of the best coming of age movies ever were made by John Hughes in the 1980s and include such classics as Pretty in Pink, the Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles. But more recently movies like An Education, Superbad, and Mean Girls also fit the bill as "coming of age" flicks.
So it happens to the best of us, eventually we've all got to grow up. And, as it happens, if you're visiting PurplePJs you are well in the process of coming of age or have recently gone through it's most noticable and turbulent phase (being a teenager or twentysomething!). Coming of age is never really a process that ends until, well, you die. So with any luck, I hope your coming of age process is long and pleasurable. And if you've got any stories from the front lines, we would love to share them with the world through PurplePJs. It is sometimes better to learn from the experiences and even the mistakes of others to be better equipped to handle those decisions in our own lives.
Tags: movies, life, meaning, coming of age, lifetime
Time Management
I've been trying to get better at managing my time for the past couple of years, really, and I've been able to make some progress. One of the things that I've learned is that I am able to get way more done when I'm busy than when I have barely anything to do; I think it's because it's harder to procrastinate doing laundry, for instance, when I know that I only have twenty minutes to do it than when I have five hours. To account for that, I've recently been committing large amounts of my time to a variety of different purposes: I'm taking more than a full load of courses at school, and I'm volunteering for a couple of different organizations.
However, devoting so much of my time will only work if I can be sure that I'll actually be able to get everything done. To this end, before committing to anything I create, not a schedule per se, but a calculation. I account for time spent in class as well as homework (I believe the formula is class time * 1.5 is the estimated amount of homework), sleep, eating, transportation, volunteering, any time I have specifically scheduled with my friends, etc. It's not an exact number, but it gets me a decent estimate of how much time I should have left over - and, in theory, stops me from completely over-scheduling myself.
In order to keep track of my time more specifically, I have a calendar mounted on the wall next to my desk - one of the whiteboard ones, so I don't have to invest in a different one every year - and I keep a daily planner. The calendar is mostly useful for keeping track of important events - birthdays, due dates for big projects, mandatory meetings, etc. I can look at it once a day and see if there's anything important coming up in the near future. The planner, I use for more detailed events - homework assignments and particular chores that need to be done, as well as meetings and dates to remember for my volunteer commitments.
In addition to all of this, I've started writing a to-do list every morning. It helps keep me focused on what needs to be done, and usually includes some things that aren't mandatory for that day - for instance, even though classes don't start for me for another week, my to-do lists have included textbook readings in advance. I like to keep a bit of a time buffer built in to my schedule, to account for days when I'm not feeling well, or when a task requires more time than anticipated.
Jamie | age 19 | Arizona | August 25, 2009
Crystal says...
You are so organized it's scary! It sure sounds like you have a good system going; time buffers are an excellent idea, as you never know when something unexpected might come up. It's definitely important to be able to be flexible, and you're doing a great job of it.Tags: teenagers, coming of age, procrastination, time management
Keeping Up With The Fun During The School Year
School is on the way, and while many of us would rather not think about it, that means homework is on the way, too. Gone will be the long, hot summer days of freedom. But there is a happier way to look at it - even though homework will (or at least should) be a part of your daily life, that doesn't mean you can't have the time for some fun, too. If you can effectively manage your time, you won't have to worry about whether or not you'll be able to go to the movies with your friends later - you'll know you have the time. So, without further ado, I'll help you learn how to do that.
Procrastination
The first order of business is one of the most common ways people get tripped up when trying to manage their time. Procrastination is when you put something, like a school assignment, off until the last minute. And as you can see by the picture to the left, it usually doesn't end well. The simplest way to solve procrastination problems is to just do your assignments as soon as you get them, and avoid the issue entirely. If, however, you can't do something right away there are some things that you might like to keep in mind.
- Putting it off will make it worse. 'Nuff said. The more you put something off, the more you begin to dread doing it...so the more you put it off. And this cycle continues until you're up all night doing a fifteen page essay due first thing the next morning, when instead you could have been having fun with your friends and getting a good night's sleep. Get the idea?
- Contrary to popular opinion, working under pressure does NOT help you work better. Trust me, I know how it is. I used to do this too. But I found out that when I started something early - as in the first few days of being assigned - I was able to be much more thorough with my work than if I started it, say, the night before it was due. If I waited, I was more stressed about something and I would miss important details. This way, I got better grades - and I didn't have that nagging guilt in the back of my mind saying "Shouldn't you be doing something?"
- Use your planner. This one is easier said than done, but it's more important than many people think. Write your assignments down daily, and if you're given an assignment more than a week ahead write down weekly reminders. Write down due dates, test dates, birthdays, everything. Then, after you write it down, look at it once in a while. So many people miss this one. Writing it down will help you to remember, but no one is perfect. Check it daily, after you get home, before you go to bed....the more, the better. This helps so much, trust me.
- Prioritize. Some things are more important than others. For example, if you have a fun assignment for art and a giant monster assignment for math that counts for half your grade, do the math assignment first. I know that the other one is so much more fun, but in the end it's worth it because you won't be dreading the math assignment after you're done.
- Don't let yourself get too stressed out. Sometimes people freeze up when they get overwhelmed. That's a good sign that you need to get out of the house and relax - or even just take a hot bath for a few minutes. Taking a break can work wonders.
So now we've talked about how to keep your homework in perspective. This will definitely help you keep on top of school, but what about keeping up with your friends?
Social Life
While school definitely should come first, don't let yourself get overwhelmed by it all. Give yourself some time to relax outside of school, whether it's in a club or with your friends. It's important to have time for yourself, where you don't have to worry about your school assignments. Actually, I've heard that people are happier and have better grades when they effectively balance their work and their social lives. So balance, as always, is key. Here are some tips on how to do that:
- Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. I know, I said it before. But it bears repeating. While it won't be the end of the world if you go out for ice cream after school, if you have a lot of homework it might be a good idea to skip going to the movie afterwards.
- It's okay to say "no". Whether it's to your boss or to your friends, sometimes you just need to tell them 'no'. For example, if your boss asks you to work on a school night and you have a final exam the next morning...you should probably be home studying. The same thing goes for your friends - if you have to, turn your cell phone off when you're doing homework. I've had to resort to that once in a while, and usually they were pretty understanding. So it's okay.
- Have study sessions with your friends. I know it might sound a little boring. But if you and your friends have a common class and you're looking for something to do, it can actually be a lot of fun helping each other out. It's okay to joke around a little bit, but keep in mind that the main purpose is to study. Try not to get too distracted.
The most important thing is to keep a good balance. Don't be a slacker, but being a workaholic isn't healthy, either. Try and keep yourself sane, and let me know how it goes. Good luck!
Tags: school, teenagers, coming of age, having fun
Peer Pressure
Peer pressure. It’s everywhere, for good or bad, but sometimes it can be hard to know how to recognize or handle it appropriately in some situations – and that’s why I’m here to help!
I bet that you – yes, you – have been pressured at some point by your peers to do something. No? Don’t think so? Keep in mind that peer pressure doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It can be a friend bugging you to come to a study group, or to get involved with some healthy extra-curricular activities, like sports. On the flip side, though, peers can also pressure you into doing things that you might not want to do – like drinking, doing drugs, or cutting class.
So how do you recognize when it’s good pressure and when it’s bad? While it can sometimes be as clear-cut as those examples above, a lot of the time it’s not. One good clue is if you feel anxious, guilty, or unsure about something. If you feel like your friends are trying to get you to do something you think you shouldn’t be doing, then you probably shouldn’t give in. If you’re doing something just because everyone else is doing it – even if it’s just dressing a similar way – then you might want to think about it. Is that really what you want? Sometimes it’s good to take a chance, and do something just for yourself.
Peer pressure doesn't just come from your friends and classmates, however. Sometimes it can even come from people you have never met, in the form of commercials on TV or print ads. After all, they want you to buy their products, and they will do anything they can to make you do what they want. Of course, that includes peer pressure. For example, I bet if you flipped on your favorite TV channel and watched the commercials, you'd see people rather similar to yourself using whatever products the company is trying to sell. This is the "everybody else is doing it so why don't you?" kind of peer pressure - it makes you want to follow the crowd. But, as the saying goes, if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
That being said, just remember that peer pressure is not always a bad thing. Never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter who it is doing the pressuring. The important thing is that you feel good about yourself, and are confident in your decisions. Good luck!
Tags: school, friends, teens, peer pressure, teenagers, growing up