Big Sister
Imagine the perfect Big Sister. She listens thoughtfully, understands what you're going through (because she's been there too!), and won't rat you out to mom and dad. She takes it all in, and then gives really good advice that you can actually use. Whether your parents provided you with a big sister or not, the perfect Big Sisters are right here and ready to dish out dating advice, love advice, relationship advice, friend advice, family advice, etiquette advice... You get the picture! We know what we're talking about, and we just love imparting our sisterly advice.
Relationships After High School
I'm a junior in high school, and I've been thinking about my options after I graduate. Just recently, I decided that I want to move to a city pretty far away from where I currently live (about 9, if you drive), and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years is still undecided about his plans after graduation. I know it's still a year from now until this actually becomes an issue, but every time the subject gets brought up, it's like this unspoken discussion is just hanging between us. We've talked about this a little, but not to the point where we consider moving in together. Honestly, in the area we live in, there aren't many opportunities in the career field he wants to be in. I think maybe him moving with me would be good for him as well? But I know it's his decision in the end. What I was wondering was, is it even worth pursuing this relationship after we graduate? And also, how and when should I bring this living-together issue up? Should I wait until it's closer to graduation? I really love him and care about him, but I'm trying to be mature and realistic about this at the same time. I just can't imagine living without him, and I know I'd feel like I threw away a GREAT relationship if I broke up with him just to keep from risking that happening later down the road. Thanks!Lizabeth | age 16 | March 7, 2010
Ivette says...
This is a tricky situation because you've been with your boyfriend since you were around 13-14. I would say explore your options but do not limit yourself and stay in your hometown just because your boyfriend will be. Some people break up after high school and some end up marrying their high school sweet hearts. We can't read into the future and see what will be the fate of your relationship, but try to prioritize what's important in your life at this point. You both are still very young and jumping into "let's move in together!" will be pretty intense even if you've been with him for nearly 3 years. One of you will have to take the decision and start talking about what will happen in the future. This will be an important time to see if you guys are in the same page, and if you see each other together and come up with a plan. Even if things don't work out in the end, you at least tried to. Don't wait until it's closer to graduation, it's better to have a plan now than it to be too late and miss out on certain deadlines. Plan your future, talk to each other, see if you still have certain compatibilities and if things can be adjusted. The more you concretely talk about these issues the better you guys will feel about the whole situation.Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, college, girl, high school, long distance, boy, moving in, plans after graduation
Getting Over It
I just have one simple question that may be kind of hard to answer: how do you get over a broken heart?Ivette says...
Getting your heart broken is not something easy to get over right away. Some important things to understand is that everyone goes through them, and that as hard as it seems, things will eventually get better. It may seem a little hard at first but try these things out: be comfortable, eat and sleep well. Being healthy is very important, and you should really take care of yourself. Yoga, meditation and other forms of passive exercises may help you cleanse yourself in spiritual, mental and physical ways. Self improvement is great too. Want to change something? Get a haircut or dye your hair! You can go to the mall and buy a nice dress to show off. Pamper yourself and feel pretty! Rely on your social support group too. Seek your family and friends when you feel like talking to someone, spend time with them and reconnect. You could also keep yourself busy by picking up a hobby or volunteering, you could redirect that energy and create something positive with it! Another important thing is to really get rid of all the stuff that reminds you of the person who hurt you. Don't try to contact and talk to him because chances are it's going to be tough to get over them if you still let them be part of your life. It will take time, but it's possible. Don't rush your healing, take baby steps and take one day at a time. Remember that as hard as it seems you can do this. Good luck!Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, girl, break up, boy, broken heart, how to get over a break up
Dog Problems
I'm having major problems with the habits of my parents with the family dog. They let her out all the time, no leash, no supervision... nothing! They just let her back in when she comes back when she wants. I worry sick that she'll be stolen or hit by a car. And now she's in heat! My parents grew up in a place where dogs just roamed around on the streets and where people don't care and don't really spend money on these animals for anything, especially medical treatment so she isn't spayed. I know the easy solution would be for me to take her out but I don't have time during the day so I take her out late at night but when I'm at school and at extra-curricular activities my parents let her out. They just don't understand! I try telling them all the time that, not only is it illegal, but she could be hurt but they just brush it off and say nothing will happen. They don't want to actually take her out on a leash either! Last night they let her out and I went after her and I found my neighbor's ugly little rat-dog mounting her! I freaked out and I ran and called her but she didn't obey and I had to go over and grab her! I didn't even say anything to my parents about it because I was too embarrassed! She has been in heat for two weeks so now I'm wondering how many times this has happened and that she could already be pregnant! I've warned my parents but they still let her out when she's in heat and they don't care if she has puppies. What the hell are we going to do if she has puppies? We live in an apartment and we can only keep one pet! I don't want to give them to shelters because they are already crowded and there isn't anyone that would want them because of money issues! Please advise me!Freaked | age 18 | March 4, 2010
amanda says...
Well it sounds like you are really frustrated with this situation! Now this can be different depending on what arrangements you made with your parents before you got your dog. Did they think they were too busy to take care of an animal? Did you promise to take care of it yourself? I'm asking because these are typical agreements that parents make with their kids and this can be a way your parents are trying to prove to you that you aren't able to take care of an animal on your own. I'm not sure if this even applies to you, but if it does, then I think it will take you sitting down with your parents and explaining to them that you need help taking care of this dog. Another issue that clearly needs to be addressed is to get your dog spayed. This can be costly, but I think will cut down on your stress. Talk to your parents about getting that done if they would be able to help you out financially. At the end of the day, you need to take the time to sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. Try to stay calm and don't get mad. Just explain your feelings and what you hope they could help you out with.Tags: parents, problems, frustrated, heat, dogs
Entering the Real World
Hey, I'm in need of some sisterly advice! I've been trying to make a lot of decisions lately. I have two more semesters before I graduate and I have to decide on whether or not I want to continue straight to graduate school or take some time off and then try applying. The problem is, I'm not sure if I'm completely ready for the "real world" but at the same time I would like to have less student loans looming over my head before I attempt more school. I've found a program that I really love too, which happens to be on the opposite side of the country for me. It's a big change since I'm so used to being close to my family. I've never moved further than the next city over! I'm just altogether worried. Worried about money, my own capabilities... please help!Overwhelmed | age 21 | March 1, 2010
Ivette says...
I am in the exact same situation as you. I decided to graduate early from college because I don't want to be here any longer and spending more money and time than I have to. Even though student loans suck I would really think the best thing to do is to continue your education. It gets harder to go back into the routine of being a student when you're working or you're older. I got this from my mentor in college, she told me to "not stop and just keep going." You don't want to stop going to grad school because you land an okay job during the summer, and you definitely don't want to just simple return to grad school when you're older because chances are you may not be able to have the same energy and mental capacities as you do now. Remember that the more you go to school, the higher are the possibilities that you get a decent job that will easily pay off your loans. So don't let that stop you! You have to be careful about student loans, especially when they're private loans. Try to get a part time job that will help you pay some of the loans from undergraduate school. Graduate programs offer number of job opportunities like TA (teacher assistant) programs in the local undergraduate university. Try to see what you can do there!For my undergraduate studies I left to a city five hours from my hometown. At first it was pretty scary and even depressing being so far away from home but this helped me become more independent and mature. I no longer rely on my parents at all since I am working now and provide for myself. It's tough but it seems like every year that passes it only gets better. My graduate school of choice is either in California, Pittsburgh and other states from the Northeastern coast of the US. Definitely far away from Texas! But I know I will be able to cope and adjust to my new environment just like I did in my college town.
Going to a different city in the opposite side of the country can be very scary and overwhelming, but remind yourself that it is not permanent. You will still get to visit your family from time to time and you get to meet amazing new people! You will also grow as a person and learn to live independently. Being independent doesn't mean you will be lonely and I know it may be some of your worries. Like where could you work, how is the people like, what will you do in the weekends or if you will be able to make friends, go out and even date. If you're interested in the program you want to apply, try visiting before applying! Money may be tight but it will be worth it once you have an idea of the environment, school, teachers, student body, etc. Don't give up too soon and give yourself a chance to experience it, even you think you won't be able to make it! Chances are you will be surprised on how far you will go if you decide to follow and take on the challenge. Good luck!
Tags: advice, big sister, graduate school, moving to a different city, real world, new life
How To Make A Move
How do you make a guy feel special? There's this guy in my college organization that I am crushing on majorly and I'm pretty sure he's interested, or at least finds me attractive. I'm not very good at flirting, and I always felt like I wasn't a very "warm" person because my parents were never very affectionate with me so I don't know how to show people affection and I feel awkward doing it sometimes (although I love being on the receiving end). He is the complete opposite however and always gives me hugs when he sees me. We aren't dating, so what are some casual ways I can make him feel special and cared about?ltosh840 | age 22 | March 1, 2010
amanda says...
It's definitely tough to flirt just the right amount without coming across as too obsessive, or on the other hand, too distant. Making contact is always a sure shot. Touching his arm when saying a joke or even in smaller ways (eg. instead of calling his name to get his attention tap him on the shoulder in a quick but caressing fashion). Also, the verbal flirting all depends on what kind of flirt he is. Some guys are all about the cocky remarks where they make themselves sound like they're the best. To flirt with them, you pretty much just have to poke fun at them and try to bring them down I guess. For instance, if he's really good looking (and he knows it) just tell him he's so ugly you can't even look at him and then laugh. I know this kid on sounds ridiculous but it actually works! If the guy isn't reallyt cocky when he's flirting but more genuine, then take the genuine route. Make references to him being such a good catch or if he says something really sweet say, "Where is the line up of girls waiting for you?! Man!" or something nice like that but still in a joking fashion. But, in the end of the day I would say don't be afraid to make the first move! Tell him you want to hang out outside of meetings or whatever. Or even at the end of an event tell him your craving a coffee and ask him to come with you! If you wait too long, then the opportunity may be lost!Tags:
Awkward Sexual Situation
Hi, I really need advice on something that has been on my mind a bit... my boyfriend and me have been dating for six months as of Sunday. Now, the furthest we've gone is me giving him a handjob a few times. He really wants to finger me and I want him to, too. The problem though, is that I'm so nervous and awkward. I trust him with everything and I'm never shy around him so I don't really know why I get so awkward. We've talked about it before and I tried to explain why I lock up like I do. One of the reasons I'm so weird about it, I think, is because we are each other's first serious relationships. Because of this, he doesn't exactly know where everything is. I feel really embarrassed for a lack of a better word and I just cant explain where exactly everything is... I don't know why I'm like this, so awkward and nervous and embarrassed, but I am. Is there anything I could do to get over this? It's incredibly frustrating for me. I just want to say ahead of time, thank you.x0klly0x | age 14 | February 28, 2010
amanda says...
Your first time doing sexual stuff is always a bit awkward and both people are usually nervous. I'm sure he's even more nervous than you are. And of course it's weird to have to explain where everything is! I suggest making sure you wait until you are both completely comfortable around each other before going further. Just because you have been dating for six months it doesn't mean you HAVE to do anything. Different people wait different amounts of time. The key is to make sure you are both ready. Now, if you are, then you can help him along the way without being like "Put you're finger in here" and pointing. That's just a bit weird. You can make it more sexual by getting him to run his fingers down there and help him by saying things like "lower... lower..." That way things are less awkward and more sexual. Hope this helped! You are very welcome.Loving Life With Food
Hey Big Sisters. I have a bit of a dumb question, but I really need help. I feel like I have an obsession with food. It all started when I quit my soccer team a few weeks ago. Up until that point, I could eat absolutely ANYTHING I wanted, and not have to worry about gaining weight, as I would just burn it off that night at practice. I had been playing soccer pretty much my whole life, so I've never really had to eat like a normal person... I really could eat as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. However, now that I don't play soccer six nights a week, I feel like I'm consumed with words like "calories", "fat", "weight" and "exercise". It seems like food is the only thing that's ever on my mind - and when I am eating, I don't stop to really taste it, I'm just thinking of what my next meal is going to be. I'm trying SO HARD to eat well and not obsess, but somehow I just can't stop myself when I enter the kitchen. I go CRAZY. I've tried counting calories, just to get a measure of how much I really am eating, but that gets tiresome after a while. I've tried to focus on eating when I'm hungry and not when I'm bored, but that only works for a few days at a time. I've joined a gym, but when I go I get a little OCD and work out for 3 hours at a time, which I know isn't healthy either. At the rate I'm going, I feel like one of two things could happen. 1) I'm either heading towards an eating disorder because I'm so obsessed or 2) I'll completely give up and gain 45 pounds I feel like I'll self-destruct either way... I can't seem to find a happy medium. I think part of my worry is that I was really overweight as a child, and now that I'm 17 years old, 5'8 and weigh 155 pounds, I'll just end up going back to my old rolly-polly self. Which I really don't want. At all. So I was just wondering if you girls could help me. I don't know if you have any tips or tricks on how to stop yourself from overdosing on food, but if you did, that would be so very much appreciated. Thanks a bunch 
Not Really That Hungry | age 17 | February 27, 2010
amanda says...
I can relate to this situation 100%. I too played highly competitive soccer and found it easy to keep myself at a healthy weight. After I quit I noticed the pounds piling on. I think different tactics work for everyone, but here are some things that worked for me. Since I was never a fan of going to the gym, I joined a basketball league. This forced me to work out once a week. In your case, joining a different sport with less of a commitment can put a cap on your exercise and will still have you being active and not necessarily in soccer. Also, when it comes to eating, you can eat a lot of stuff, as long as it's healthy. I found the fake meals (the snacks between meals) were the ones that got to me. So, I would always try to snack on healthy foods. Frozen grapes, cheese and crackers or nuts. All of these I found to be substantial and got rid of my snack craving. Lastly I almost always try to substitute out fries when ordering foods. They aren't too good for you and usually make you feel really full. You can order burgers and stuff, but just always opt for the salad. Lastly you can always try making a food diary. Sometimes writing out everything you have eaten in a day will make you more food conscious. If you really feel like you are on the brink of a eating disorder, make sure you tell someone and get help before it's too late. Talking to a doctor might be able to help you more with guidleines and putting a structure to yoru eating.Go For It
I just started talking to one of my oldest friends again after a couple of years. A couple of years ago I would talk to him through a friend and I started to like him but stopped when we lost touch. I started talking to him again and he had broken up with his girlfriend a couple of years ago. One of my friends told me that a couple of years ago he had a crush on me. I still like him a little. Should I go for it?Sarah52 | age 17 | February 26, 2010
amanda says...
I definitely think you should go for it! You never know if he still has feelings for you too. And better to go for it, then to wonder for the rest of your life if he liked you too. Worst comes to worst, he'll tell you he only sees yous as a friend and you can save yourself a lot of time and begin to move on. When you tell him, don't seem crazy or obsessed. Just tell him your interested in seeing if your relationship would work as something more than just friends. Tell him you think you guys are really compatible and that you really enjoy talking to him. And that's it! I know it's a lot harder than just saying it like that, but I am always for giving it a shot. You never know!Tags:
I Don’t Look My Age
Hey, first off, I have to say you guys give wonderful advice Well, I am a 17-year-old girl but sadly I don't look 17. I look quite a bit younger than I really am, which is rather annoying at times because my younger sister who is 15, looks much older than me. This causes for many questions from people who don't really know us. Most people tell me I look somewhere between the ages of 13 to 15. I know I'm short (5ft 2 inches). It's something I've already come to accept but I know my body also looks younger then it should look. Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore. It's hard to meet guys at times because they obviously assume I am younger then them. Sometimes I'm not allowed to go in to certain places because people don't believe I am 17 and I am pretty sure my parents treat me like they do because of my appearance. I'm going away to college this September and I'm pretty certain things will be getting worse in this aspect. I don't know what to do, any ideas? Thank you :] twiddledee | age 17 | February 20, 2010
amanda says...
I had the exact opposite problem growing up - I looked way older and, although it might sound like a good thing, it was a bit problematic too. I was 13 and I wasn't allowed into places for kids since they thought I was so much older. Boys were always a lot shorter than me until high school too. So essentially, I kind of feel your pain. But this is what I think will help you. Firstly, carry around your birth certificate. This will help you get into places that need proof of your age. Next, going to college will actually be a really good thing. Guys will see you in class and *know* that you are at least 17 or 18 or whatever. I don't know where you are located, but depending on the drinking age, you are probably a few years away, but once you are of age, you will be able to get into bars and clubs, which again will prove to the people around you that you are probably older than you look. And the last tid bit I will give you is to ask someone how to apply some make up to help you look older. I know this is a bit of a superficial piece of advice, but I think it will help you feel more confident. Sometimes, the right eye shadow or a different eyeliner can make a world of a difference! Try it out! This situation will definitely get better, especially once you go to college. Embrace your young look! People will be jealous of you 20 years from now! PS. Thanks for the comment about our useful advice! I'm so glad it helps you guys out!Mom’s Opinion and Sex
How do I let my mom know that I honestly love my boyfriend? I'm 15 and girls my age can be really stupid about relationships, but I can say with all my heart that we love each other and I know it. My mom probably doesn't take us seriously and it really bothers me. Also he and I have been talking about having sex and we are ready to, but I have no idea how to tell her that. She told me that she'd like to know if I was thinking about it and I feel like I really should.javbeatlerjpg | age 14 | February 18, 2010
amanda says...
What makes you think your mom doesn't take you seriously? If there is something specific that she is doing that really bothers you, then you should sit her down and let her know how you feel and why you feel that way. With regard to sex, you should definitely make sure you feel ready for this and if you and your mom have an open relationship, then you can talk to her about it. A lot of people have questions when it comes to their first time. Your mom will probably appreciate your honesty as well. With regard to the serious part of your question: when I was 15 I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and I also thought that I was truly in love and that he was *the one*. We dated for a total of three and a half years. Now, at the age of 21, I am in another serious relationship and realized that yes, I did love my ex-boyfriend, but it was the most I could possibly love him at the age of 15. The love I have for my current boyfriend is different. As you grow older, you will find that there are changes within yourself and your relationship, no matter how much you love the person. Sometimes those changes bring you closer together and sometimes it forces you to grow apart. So, I'm not saying you won't be with your boyfriend forever, but your mom probably realizes there's a chance your relationship might not be your only one. Maybe she's scared of how you will react *if* you guys do break up. Try to talk to her and make sure you try to realize where she is coming from as well.Tags: sex, boyfriend, relationship, serious, mom