Big Sister

“Friends”

I've been having trouble with my two closest friends. Over the past month, they seem to be becoming increasingly angry or jealous that I have other people in my life other than them. It all started during Fourth of July. Normally that holiday is a big deal for the 3 of us, and for the past two years, we have celebrated together. This year, the weekend ended up being more stressful than in years past. By the time I got to hang out with the girls, I was exhausted. We - meaning my boyfriend and I - joined them for fireworks but we left shortly afterward because we were exhausted from a trip to Atlantic City the day before and a family birthday party earlier that day. I found out later that my friends were not happy that my boyfriend joined us for the festivities and that they were upset that I was too tired to party late into the night with them. However, neither one said that they didn't want my boyfriend to join us, and they knew I had a long day the day before. We were okay in the weeks that followed, but two weeks ago problems stirred up again. I had a human moment and forgot I had made plans with them. In my forgetfulness, I made plans to go to dinner with my boyfriend's family. They didn't text me until I was heading out the door that we had made plans. Despite my explanations and profuse apologies, "forgetting" wasn't good enough for them. Sadly, I couldn't tell them this dinner was a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom because one of the two girls grew up with his family and she sees his mom as her "other mom" (she often yells at me and says that she "will always be her other mom!"). From there, I spent a week stuck in bed with a horrible cold. I didn't go anywhere other than work. I invited the two girls to spend time with me at my house to watch movies, but they would never text me back with an answer. I assumed they didn't want to get sick, which was completely fine with me. I tried to make plans with them to hang out Friday once I was feeling better. However, one of my friends told me it was going to rain and to move our plans indoors. When I asked her for suggestions, she never texted me back. I was starting to feel worse, and I was loosing patience with the girls, so I made plans to suffer on my boyfriend's couch for a change of scenery. Needless to say the girls found out and were pissed. They were pissed the next day when I had to attend another family party with him, and when I saw them again, they made snide jokes about me being a liar. They even made Facebook statuses about what had happened. The problems have continued into this week. They have told me my job was lame because it makes me too tired to hang out during the week. They're getting pissed because I want to see my sister when she comes to visit this weekend (I haven't seen her in a month). They also made sarcastic comments when I made plans with coworkers this week because they texted me last minute to hang out. These girls are starting to act like they should be the only ones in my life. I know I need to talk to them, but the moment I ask if something's wrong, they'll lie and tell me everything's fine. If I confront them and tell them I know they're upset with me, they'll tell me that I hang out with my boyfriend too much (yet I didn't hang out with him too much at the beginning of the summer when I saw them almost everyday and barely saw him at all). I've been trying so hard to find a balance and it seems to be there is no winning with these girls unless they are the only people in my life. What should I do?

tinydancer622 | age 21 | July 30, 2010

Ivette says...

If these girls can't take you have a life, it's not your fault. If you want them in your life, you have to apologize for living and being a human. Yes, forgetting was your fault but it was just a small mistake, if you are in general a flakey person I can see how they might think you're incompetent and a bad friend but if it was just a one time thing you need to talk to them. Confront them when they're together and ask them that you've recently seen a decline in communication and you would like to address it. Tell them they are important and you feel terrible what's happening but that you can't make them reply to your texts when you want to hang out with them. Life happens and if they're not going to reply you're going to move on doing other things. Tell them that you don't appreciate passive and indirect aggressiveness, that they either tell you what's wrong or you don't what their snaky behavior to show up again. If they want to stick around and be your friends, good for them, if not it's their loss not yours. Besides you don't want to end up with "friends" that are like that.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, high school, tips, bad friends, fake friends, summer

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Not Feeling Good Enough

Hey Ivette. I'm wondering if you've ever felt like you weren't attractive enough or good enough for whatever you've wanted to accomplish. If so, how did you deal with it? I guess at some point everyone breaks out of a shell and starts thinking that it's incredibly irrational and limiting to be so easily convinced of not being good enough. I don't know. I though I'd broken out of this shell, but this feeling haunts me whenever I get rejected by a guy (this has happened with every guy I've ever liked). I'm starting to lose hold on how to deal with it.

Liza | age 18 | July 29, 2010

Ivette says...

I think it's a fairly normal feeling that everyone goes through, especially when you're being a teenager and trying to discover your identity. There was a point in time where sometimes I felt like that, and even then I do get the similar feelings from time to time. What's gotten me to get better at it, it's to just have faith in myself and think positively. If things don't work out, I try to think that there's a good reason they didn't happen and that it was for the best of my future that they didn't. There's a reason why you didn't end up with the guys you like. Maybe there's a better guy out there waiting for you, don't think it's your loss, it's theirs. As you get to know yourself more, you will learn how to appreciate all the little quirks and faults that you have and embrace them. There's a guy out there for you, and he will fall in love with those same little flaws that make up you. My best advice is to take things lightly if a guy rejects you, whatever, there will be a plenty of other guys who come around. You're more worth than you realize and recognize that first so others can see it too ! Good luck!

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, tips, rejection, self confidence, puberty, attractiveness, not good enough, low self esteem

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Eating Disorders Part 3

Eating Disorders & The Deadly Facts: Binge Eating Part 3

Eating disorders are the leading cause of death in all known psychological disorders. There are a number of eating disorders such as :

• Anorexia Nervosa
• Bulimia Nervosa
• Binge Eating
• Anorexia Atletica
• Over Eating
• Night Eating
• Orthorexia Nervosa
• Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)

You can read more information on each one here.

The Causes of Eating Disorders

There is still no exact known causes of eating disorders but recent research has shown strong correlation on the following possible causes:

• Biological Factors such as genetics.
• Social factors such as society and cultural factors.
• Psychological factors such as other psychological diseases like stress and depression.

The most common eating disorders are anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive (binge) eating. Eating disorders are extremely dangerous. These three disorders will be discussed in three different updates in Big Sister.

Binge Eating

 

Binge eating, or sometimes called compulsive eating is when a person has uncontrollable eating and an addiction to food, which they may feel out of control and unable to stop. Binging this way is generally followed by feelings of guilt and depression. Unlike people with bulimia, compulsive over eaters do not attempt to control the aftermath of binging with purging behaviors such as fasting, laxative use or vomiting. Compulsive over eaters will typically eat when they are not hungry. Their obsession can be summed up when they spend excessive amounts of time and thought devoted to food, and secretly plan or fantasize about eating alone. Compulsive overeating usually leads to weight gain and obesity, but not everyone who is obese is a compulsive over eater. Here is a news report on compulsive overeating by NBC Action News in Kansas City.
About 2 percent of all adults in the United States (as many as 4 million Americans) have binge eating disorder. About 10-15 percent of people who are mildly obese and who try to lose weight on their own or through commercial weight-loss programs have binge eating disorder. The disorder is even more common in people who are severely obese.

Effects

Left untreated, compulsive overeating can lead to serious medical conditions including obesity, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sleep apnea, and major depression. Long-term side effects of the condition also include kidney disease, arthritis, bone deterioration and stroke.

A Silent Killer: The Symptoms

• Periodically does not exercise control over consumption of food.
• Eats an unusually large amount of food at one time—more than a normal person would eat in the same amount of time.
• Eats much more quickly during binge episodes than during normal eating episodes.
• Eats until physically uncomfortable and physically feels like they're on the verge of throwing up due to the amount of food just consumed.
• Eats when depressed, sad, or bored.
• Eats large amounts of food even when not really hungry.
• Usually eats alone during binge eating episodes, in order to avoid discovery of the disorder.
• Often eats alone during periods of normal eating, owing to feelings of embarrassment about food.
• Feels disgusted, depressed, or guilty after binge eating.

Here is a woman who suffers from compulsive over eating with a matching psychological profile of the disease. Links and More:
National Eating Disorders Association
Binge Eating Disorder Information
Compulsive Overeating Disorder
Myths and Facts on Eating Disorders
Binge Eating Part One: The Morning Show
Binge Eating Part Two: The Morning Show
Latest News in Binge Eating Disorders

This was originally posted in July 2009

Tags: anorexia, eating disorders, health, bulimia, big sister, body, compulsive eating, part 3, article

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Eating Disorders Part 1

Eating Disorders & The Deadly Facts: Anorexia Nervosa Part 1

Eating disorders are the leading cause of death in all known psychological disorders. There are a number of eating disorders such as :

• Anorexia Nervosa
• Bulimia Nervosa
• Binge Eating
• Anorexia Atletica
• Over Eating
• Night Eating
• Orthorexia Nervosa
• Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)

You can read more information on each one here.

The Causes of Eating Disorders

There is still no exact known causes of eating disorders but recent research has shown strong correlation on the following possible causes:

• Biological Factors such as genetics.
• Social factors such as society and cultural factors.
• Psychological factors such as other psychological diseases like stress and depression.

The most common eating disorders are anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive (binge) eating. Eating disorders are extremely dangerous. These three disorders will be discussed in three different updates in Big Sister.

Anorexia

Anorexia Nervosa is a life-threatening eating disorder characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss. 90 to 95% who are affected by this are girls and 5-20% of anorexics will die of the consequences of starvation. The interesting part of people suffering anorexia is the common profile they share. Anorexics usually tend to be perfectionists, good students and tend to share a similar social and economic status. Another significant factor in the causes of anorexia is the need to feel in control. Stress and depression have been indicated in the correlations of Anorexia Nervosa. Other psychological disorders that are prevalent in anorexics is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) which means the person affected is very self conscious of themselves, suffer from low self esteem and sometimes can perceive themselves differently than how they actually are.

An anorexic can believe he or she is bigger than what they are in reality. You can check out these two videos of BDD and Anorexia Nervosa here and here.
The following diagram shows the parts of the body most affected by this disease :

Other health consequences on people with this type of eating disorder are:

• Lanugo: a thin layer of hair that grows all over the body. The body usually uses lipids, or 'fat', to keep the body warm. When the body has a very low and dangerous fat level (and low muscle mass) the body grows lanugo all over. This includes face, back, torso and the abdomen.
• Tooth and Bone Decay: Nutrients and vitamins in foods help our body keep healthy and strong. When anorexics stop consuming food they're more likely to suffer bone loss and tooth decay. They're in greater risk for cavities, stained and lose teeth. The bones are also more likely to break than a person with a balanced diet.
• Emotional Instability: People tend to get grumpy when they haven’t eaten for a while. Many anorexics experience a lot of emotional instability and irritability because they're always hungry. Emotional instability can also be caused by stress, depression and anxiety.

In the most recent research of this particular behavior is how these people suffering from this psychological diseases share tips and advice to others. These are called "Pro-Ana" websites where you could find information on how to become or be a better anorexic. The information on these sites range from: ways on how to cut food, to who their Thinspiration (images and videos of skinny models, actresses, and other girls that inspire them to lose weight), ways and excuses to come up with so the person avoids food, among other things. You can see a great infomercial about this here: Don’t Die for a Diet

If you or anyone you know seems to suffer from Anorexia Nervosa, do not hesitate and inform an adult for help. This is also the phone number from the National Eating Disorders Association you may call for further assistance and information on recovery:1-800-931-2237. This link will take you to the help site where you can find other important information on recovery.
You can learn more about anorexia here.
Links and More :
National Eating Disorders Association
Latinas and Anorexia Nervosa
Anorexia Nervosa
FAQS on Anorexia
Article in MedicineNet
Latest News in Anorexia

Our Thoughts

Girls need to understand that Anorexia is not something to be proud of or something that should be glamorized. It is a serious psychological disease no different from other mental illnesses. Big Sister Amanda says she has noticed that the media creates a certain standard of beauty and forces girls to feel the need to be thin. Media does play an important role in this society, especially in first world countries like the United States. So how do we keep away from falling in that trap? By being healthy and having positive role models! Big Sister Amanda says, "I try to maintain a healthy life style by being active and making good food choices. At restaurants I try to substitute my side of french fries for salads which really makes a difference." While Big Sister Ivette tries to balance her vegetarian life style by eating tofu, soy products and other healthy foods like fruits and vegetables. As for role models, Amanda thinks Mandy Moore has natural beauty and a healthy glow that allows her to look beautiful. An important role model for Ivette is Marilyn Monroe, who in 1999 was voted the 'Sexiest Woman of the Century' by People Magazine. "She was a size 8 and that just proves that you don't need to be a size 0 to be attractive," says Ivette.

How About YOU?

What do you think about the media and eating disorders? What ways do you maintain a healthy life style and weight? And who do you look up to as a celebrity role model when it comes a to healthy body-image? Feel free to submit your thoughts!


This was originally posted in July 2009

Tags: anorexia, eating disorders, health, bulimia, advice, big sister, body, compulsive eating, psychological disorders, part 1

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Eating Disorders Part 2

Eating Disorders & The Deadly Facts: Bulimia Nervosa Part 2

Eating disorders are the leading cause of death in all known psychological disorders. There are a number of eating disorders such as :

• Anorexia Nervosa
• Bulimia Nervosa
• Binge Eating
• Anorexia Atletica
• Over Eating
• Night Eating
• Orthorexia Nervosa
• Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)

You can read more information on each one here.

The Causes of Eating Disorders

There is still no exact known causes of eating disorders but recent research has shown strong correlation on the following possible causes:

• Biological Factors such as genetics.
• Social factors such as society and cultural factors.
• Psychological factors such as other psychological diseases like stress and depression.

The most common eating disorders are anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive (binge) eating. Eating disorders are extremely dangerous. These three disorders will be discussed in three different updates in Big Sister.

 

Bulimia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa is an eating disorder that involves the consumption of a fixed amount of food for a fixed amount of time and then getting rid of it by vomiting, the use of laxatives, enemas, excessive exercise, or diuretics. Some other antics include chewing and spitting food. Bulimia is one of the trickiest mental disorders to diagnose since patients may be of average weight or slightly above or below. Somewhere between 1.1 and 4.2 percent of females suffer from Bulimia in their lifetime. Bulimia can also be interchangeable with Anorexia and other eating disorders, like compulsive eating. Only 6% of Bulimia patients will receive help. Here is a story of a person suffering from this disorder: http://www.youtube.com="" http:="" herf="”"> here.

Effects

The following diagram shows you how Bulimia Nervosa affects the body:

Ana and Mia

Ana and Mia are two names that are very common among people suffering from Bulimia and Anorexia. Anorexia is referred as Ana and Bulimia as Mia. Many people suffering these two eating disorders may try and personify their disorders by naming them like people. In Pro Ana and Mia websites users often refer to these names as well. There is really no clear explanation on why anorexics or bulimics try to personify their disorders due to limited research in the field. Though, they may refer to the disorders under these names because usually the people describe being under the control of their disorder. There have been few written reports that many people have a “voice” in their head that tell them to eat or not to eat, to throw up, that their ugly/worthless etc. which the patient then could refer it as a name like Ana or Mia. They may also use Ana or Mia, to describe their disorder as a friend or even gods of some form. This is how eating disorders may be linked to personality, mood, anxiety and other psychological disorders that may involve psychosis or hallucinations. You can find these names if you search it on YouTube or Google.

(Warning: some images in the video are disturbing to younger viewers.)

Stay tuned for our next and last segment on eating disorders! Links and More:
National Eating Disorders Association
Bulimia Nervosa Statistics
Anorexia Nervosa
Myths and Facts on Eating Disorders
Documentary Opening Scene Video: THIN
Latest News in Bulimia

This was originally posted in July 2009

Tags: anorexia, eating disorders, health, bulimia, advice, death, big sister, body, compulsive eating, article

1 Comment

I Want To Enjoy My Youth!

My boyfriend is 22, and I'm 20. We met my freshman year of college (his junior year) and began dating when I was 18 and he was 20. I'm starting to see that we are at different in places in life, especially when it comes to partying and all that. When we met, we both drank a lot and had a lot of fun together. We still have fun together now, but I feel like he's kind of judging me for doing the same things as a 20 year-old that he was doing when he was 20! He's graduated now and is looking for a job, but I still have 2 more years of college that I'm looking forward to, and I'm afraid that I will miss out on a lot of experiences if he expects me to act like I'm older than I really am. I would never cheat on him, and I love him so much, but I also want to be able to be a normal college student without worrying about his opinion of me. How can we fix this awkward age/maturity situation?

ORgal | age 20 | July 24, 2010

Ivette says...

2 years age difference isn't a big deal but when he is now focusing on other things and moving away from that whole college scene it is a little tough. Don't sacrifice things you aren't willing to sacrifice. You're only young once and I am sure you wouldn't want to just drop everything because of your boyfriend. If your boyfriend is setting ridiculous rules for you then it's time to talk to him and tell him simply how you feel. I don't think it's a case of you being immature but maybe you would want to be single in your college experience. Step out of the situation for a bit, and imagine if you were.Do you think you would "enjoy" things more? Would you do more things? I was in a similar situation and we just decided to break things off for a while because I wanted to focus on school more (and him too) before we're together again (hey, having a boyfriend is almost a full time job!) If you don't want to break up with your boyfriend, that's perfectly fine too. You can totally experience college and be in a committed relationship. The only thing depends on your boyfriend and how he will handle the situations when it comes to partying. Your boyfriend has already done that so he won't be as interested when you talk to him about a party you went. He will also may get frustrated if little college drama pops up and he will be less patient than if he was going through it. He's older and wiser, take his advice and words to heart! Your boyfriend isn't expecting you to act a certain age because you already do probably act older (girls tend to mature quicker). Don't think that your boyfriend is going to constantly be judging you, he loves you and is with you for a certain reason, so relax and take things slow, have fun!

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, dating, boyfriend, college, girlfriend, tips, trouble, mature

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Frenemy: I Want Your Boyfriend

Hello I've returned for some girl advice this time instead of guy advice. My last post on here was quite a while back, about a boy who liked me and who I liked back, but was hesitant because of other people. Since then, I've taken some advice telling me to just think of myself for once and we're now seeing each other, we have the perfect relationship as we're good friends too and have been for over a year. There is one, um, problem though. She was one of my best friends until I starting dating this guy and although we still act like good mates around each other, I won't think of her the same again. He's one of her good mates too, the three of us used to be inseparable. I knew she liked him since year 7 (first year of highschool), but he never showed interest in her, he just didn't like her that way. She was pretty much obsessed with him, talking about him all the time and such. It was only the beginning of this year I started having feelings towards him, but I knew he'd liked me for a long time before that, and after much encouragement we got together. The only thing that was putting me off was her, thinking of what would happen and it's just my luck that all those things have happened. I never got round to sitting her down and telling her that I was seeing this guy myself, but her loud mouthed friend beat me to it, making me look like a complete bitch while she was at it. Since then my 'friend' has been doing numerous things to make me look worse than what I am. She started to do things for sympathy. Then she started to dress differently around him, wearing hot pants and skimpy vests on cold days etc. when she's the sort of person you would have to bribe out of baggy jeans and a sweater. It's been over a month now and I would've thought she'd have stopped her antics even a little bit, but she hasn't. She even joins Facebook pages aimed at me, for example "Chill bitch, he was my friend before he was your boyfriend" which is fair enough if I'd had turned around and told her to stop talking to him because he's mine....but I haven't, I let them hang out all the same. How can she blame me for getting a little touchy when she acts flirty around him still, that's not being friendly that's being flirtatious. It's really starting to get to me and sitting her down and speaking to her seems to get me nowhere. What does she want me to do, break up with him to make her happy? Well, of course she does, but I'm not going to, I can't help who I fall for. He's already told her he wouldn't go for her, so it's a typical "I can't have you, so no one else can either." Any ideas what I can do? Or if she'll stop anytime soon? Thanks

TheDreamer | age 15 | July 23, 2010

Ivette says...

Your best bet is to just confront her in her actions. She doesn't sound like a good friend to be around at all. Passive aggressive behavior is frustrating especially when you can feel it but no one can really see it. Call her on that, ask her if she has been mad at you for something. If she tries to play it off ask her if she's sure and if it's because you're dating X and Y. If she says no just call her out and list some examples that you said here. Tell her how you have felt that there has been tension in your friendship and how you have linked it since you started dating this guy. If she tells you everything is cool, tell her that you hope so and that you really wanted to tell her the day he asked you out but someone beat you to it and that you wanted to get her approval (just so she can feel special). If things don't change much, this girl is a frenemy. Put a stall on her absurd and immature behavior and explain these things to your boyfriend. If she starts being catty and doing stuff online in facebook, ignore it. She's jealous, and jealous friends are poisonous. Enjoy your relationship and be happy with what you have. Sometimes, those girls aren't even worth being friends for if they want to fight for a boy they had a crush on. Either way, a great way to make an enemy mad is killing them with kindness. If she's trying to slutty it up to get your boyfriend compliment how she looks, at the end of the day your boyfriend thinks about you at night.

Tags: advice, big sister, crushes, friends, friendships, girl, high school, boyfriends, drama, boy

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Dating Someone Outside My Race

Hi ladies - I have a huge pickle on my hands. I've been seeing this guy, let's call him Luke, for a couple months exclusively. He has asked me to be his girlfriend, but told him no, I would still like to get to know you better to make sure this is what I really want. He was (and still is) fine with taking things slow. The only problem I see with our relationship is my parents. You see, Luke is black, and my parents, my father in particular, have failed to see that people do indeed date outside their race. The first time I mentioned it to my mom she was absolutely shocked. I have brought it up a couple times since then and she rolls her eyes and once told me that "I think you're only dating him to get a reaction out of your dad and I" - which you know, hurt my feelings. I'm sure my dad's reaction will be a million times worse than that so I haven't even hinted at the idea to him. My question is, how do I rationally approach this subject to them without letting my crazy girl emotions take over and have a meltdown? This problem has been stressing me out an unbelievable amount. Thanks.

Sarah | age 21 | July 23, 2010

Ivette says...

Racism sucks and I think you should approach your parents as serious as you can possible be. Unfortunately, this society can be racist with interracial couples. My best advice is to not expect your parents to rejoice and dance when you tell them you like a black guy. They will probably be really upset. Expect the worst in these situations so at least you're mentally prepared to deal with that. Sometimes parents just stereotype, your parents will be concerned for your safety, or how this individual will behave around you. Sit them down and start talking to them like he's your friend, tell him why you like him, why he's smart and nice, tell them everything you feel about why you think this guy is so great. Previous experiences may lead your parents to believe he's a certain way because his race is a certain way. Tell them that thankfully you were raised by some awesome parents that made you judge people on their character and not the color of their skin. That you like this person because of who he is and how he carries himself than the melanin production in his body. If they tell you no, be the bigger person and just end things calmly, excuse yourself and walk away instead of making a scene. Be mature and carry yourself right, you're 21 and you know what you want in life, prove them that. If your parents say no would you still date the guy? Embrace your independence, this is your life and you make your decisions, because if you let your parents pick the guy for you, you may miss out on a beautiful opportunity! I really personally admire people in interracial relationships. My parents was also one (and my grandparents)! Some races feel like "each race should stick to it's own." This is the 21st century, and since the beginning of time people are people in the end of the day. Black, white, yellow, blue, purple we all bleed, feel and die the same way. No race should feel threatened or superior to the other one.

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, dating, parents, crush, interracial couples, racism

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I Have An Eating Disorder

I have a problem, a food problem and I know it but I don't really know what to do. This is my story, it all started in January (we are in July). I've always been chubby, not only chubby but I am very voluptuous since my mom gave me hormones so I could grow bigger but it only made me fatter and gave me big boobs and a big butt. Every extra pound I have makes me look fatter than I really am. I was really overweight in October of last year, however I made a 15 day strict diet and I lost half of the weight I needed to lose. I was happy that I looked so much better. Since then i didn't do too much diet I just exercised a lot and didn't eat much, because it was on vacations. I always believed that I would do the strict diet for a short term, like not eating and all that since I first started with only fruits. Then on January I went to the doctor because I was going to reduce my breasts (I am 15, I weighed over 58 kg (127 lbs) , and I'm 1.57 m (5'1) ) the doctor told me if I lost like some 5 kilograms (12 pounds) it would be better. My surgery was then programmed on carnivals, in February, so I did a 15 day diet which was only liquids and I lost 6 kilograms (13 lbs) and weighted 52 kg (114 lbs), however after that, every time I put something in my mouth that I wasn't allowed to eat, I would get anxious and would end up eating it. In 4 days I had gained back all the weight I had lost! Since then my problems started, I tried to lose them again but I only had one week until my surgery it was going to be impossible, so I postponed it until April. Since then I tried to lose weight with stupid diets, I even stopped eating for 5 days then ate and the weight came back on. Evert time I ate I felt depressed and more fat and I felt really bad. I didn't want to go out if I had eaten before because I felt my clothes "didn't" look good on me. I finally got my surgery in April, and 3 days before I ate nothing so I got operated weighing 56 kg (126 lbs). When I went home I gained weight and got bigger I didn't want to go out or dress up because I felt ugly with anything I would wear. I felt terrible. This caused me to stop eating for 15 days and I lost 17 lbs in 15 days. I was very careful not to eat and gain back what I lost, so I did a lot of exercise but even then it didn't work. Everything I ate made me feel fatter even though I exercised. I remember my diet ended in Friday and that weekend I was very careful with what I ate, and the rest of the week I only ate 3 things and exercised. That Friday I went with my dad to run on the park and when I came back I expected to be 54 kg and I was actually 58. My pressure got low, I panicked and started crying. I took 8 diet pills and got depressed, then everybody told me it was because of the excessive exercise. I wasn't sure and ever since I have stopped weighing myself. I became very sensitive and every time someone would tell me I was fat or I ate too much it made me cry and get depressed. I didn't feel anything looked good on me. Then one day it just came to me, I have an eating disorder. I don't eat sometimes, sometimes I have lunch, sometimes I don't etc, but i couldn't stop eating and I was on vacations so I started vomiting, these days I feel fatter, i don't want to go out because I really care about my image, and I don't feel well with it, I don't want to do anything i sleep at 6am and wake up at 4pm i have a lot of friends plans, i have thousands of boys behind me, but i dont feel well. i want to lose weight and I know the only way to do it is with a good long term diet but I don't have patience for it, I don't even see myself doing that. I know I have a problem but I don't want to face it. I have a low self esteem! I want go out like I used to, and enjoy life without thinking so much and feeling so guilty about food. Every time I have an opportunity to have a wish, my wish has always been being skinny. I know I'm not fat, I'm just chubby but all my friends have the perfect body and sometimes I just want to let everything go and just be depress and stop trying.

Food Disorder | age 15 | July 23, 2010

Ivette says...

One thing you have to understand is that you have a mental disease that can kill you any day now. The first thing you need to do is go to a doctor and talk about what you just said here. They will take the appropriate actions for you to get better and lose weight in a permanent way. One thing should be clear: fad diets will never work. Ever. The same with diet pills, they completely mess up your body chemistry and metabolism. Yes you will lose the weight really quick but at the expense of your health and your life. Most of the time you gain the weight back faster and even more! You only have one body, this body needs nutrition everyday to function and when you deprive it for so long of food and those important nutrients your body will send a signal of alert to your brain and tell the brain that you're dying of hunger. In that case the brain tells the body, "Chill out, just try right now to hold on to every possible fat cell in your body and we may pull through." And that's exactly what your body does. After a fad diet or not eating, your body thinks it's starving and stops losing weight. It starts holding of to that fat in dear life until the next time you it sees food. And the second you eat something, your body will hold on to the fat content of the food, because it's unsure when it will see food again. So imagine you stopped eating for a week, and you start eating again? Your body is like "Sweet! Food! I will not let go of the fat, I need it! I may starve tomorrow so I need to keep this just in case!" What's the best thing to do to lose weight? Funny, is actually to eat MORE times a day. Right now your body is in starvation mode. It thinks it's starving and needs to hold on to the fat in food. Teach your body that you will feed it and it doesn't have to worry about keeping the fat in your body. I'm sure some of you are thinking "WHAT?" But it's true. Instead of restricting yourself of food, eat smaller meals every three to four hours. Key word here: small meals. Your body doesn't recognized portions that well, so every time it sees a little snack in your stomach, your body works to burn it off. This is called metabolism. Your metabolism is in charge of using up that energy in your body. And when you starve, metabolism completely stops. Have you ever met a person who is really skinny but is always eating, and is always hungry? That person has a fast metabolism and that's what you need to mainly work on. Your best bet is to go to the doctor where he can refer you to a nutritionist who can help you build a menu of small meals and tell you what to eat to improve your metabolism. When you build your metabolism, it will burn off more of the fatty acids in food and you will start seeing results. If you're not eating and you're exercising, no matter if you run three laps around the world, your weight will be the same because your body does not want to lose weight, remember, it thinks it's starving. Have tiny snacks throughout the day (healthy snacks like peanuts, almonds, granola bars, yogurt, etc) and have three medium meals (a piece of chicken breast with veggies and brown rice, a sandwich, etc). If you eat healthy you're feeding your body fuel to function and when you exercise you will be able to burn calories and reduce fat cell sizes since the body is not worrying about starving and can concentrate on burning the pounds off. The healthy way to lose weight (and to be permanent) is 3 lbs per week, that's 1.5 kg. Drink lots of waters and make sure you're hydrated. Throwing up is not a good thing at all. This eating disorder is called Bulimia and if you throw up a lot this can lead to heart burn, heart failure (because you're throwing up all the salts you need for your hear to beat!), rotting and yellow teeth, bad breath, mouth and throat cancer. You do not want to have an eating disorder to lose weight, because in the end you just hate everything and anything. Really go to your doctor ASAP, tell him what you've been doing and what you want to happen. He will hopefully refer you to the right specialist where you can get treatment. Also sometimes, it's hard for a person to lose weight because of a thyroid problem, it seems like you may have had some sort of disorder and that's why growth hormones were prescribed to you. If you can get diagnosed correctly and given medication to whatever you have, the weight might just come off, but first you need to be healthy. Don't be depressed because of all this, everyone believe it or not struggles with insecurities, if it's not their weight it's their skin, their eye sight, how they're too tall or too short, or full of acne or anything under the sun. Learn to love yourself, and get help, because you only have this body and you need to take care of it or you're going to die. Also, don't place self-worth on the numbers you see on the scale. Those numbers don't define you or your persona or what you're capable of. Don't let your body shape make you feel a certain way, remember that it's a detail of you but it's not what defines you. We will also be re-posting an article I wrote about Eating disorders so stay tuned.

Tags: anorexia, bulimia, advice, big sister, girl, eating disorder, ednos, binger, purge

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Getting Along With Mum

Hey, I'm hoping you could help me think of a better way to approach getting along with my mom. I've been home from college for about three months now. Let's just that that my mom and I have officially fallen out. We essentially have no relationship. A few days ago I was watching TV when my mom walks and and asks, "Have you kissed anyone.?" The answer is no. So, I tell her that. She insists that I'm not telling the truth and tells me that she can prove that I'm lying. I, of course, am very anxious to see this evidence because I know that SHE is lying. We didn't talk about it for about 24 hours. I brought it up the next day. "Mom, I'd really like to see this evidence that you have that I've kissed someone." She says, "I don't care about that. I never cared. All I care about it your well-being." That night I'm working on some homework when she barges into my room reciting some lines from a diary I wrote in years about where I kept record of all my dreams. I tell her that it's a dream, and she goes, "It didn't sound like a dream." I completely ignore her because I didn't want to say anything "disrespectful" even though she had totally invaded me by reading something so personal. She leaves and returns about 60 seconds later with recitation of a different line from my diary. The line goes into detail about a dream I had about the guy I liked at the time kissing me. She goes into detail about how she messaged the guy I kissed in the dream and harassed him for touching me. I start crying and I completely lose and yell out, "WHAT THE F*CK?!?" She had completely lost it at this point and was in awe that I would say the 'f' word while I was talking to her. I curse on a daily basis and she is perfectly aware. I, at this point, run into the attic to just start weeping. She runs behind me and just begins going off. She finished her rant by slamming the door and yelling "BITCH." Hours later, my brother comes into my room and tells me that everything she said was a joke. She'd never messaged the guy, but she read my diary. I......I just don't know what to do anymore. I believe that by reading my deepest thoughts, dreams, and personal despair; one is DEEPLY violating the other person. The fact that I wrote in on paper and didn't share it with anyone means that I wanted to keep it confidential. It should tell my mother that I didn't want her to know, even if it was a dream. I believe that all I have to myself are my dreams, thoughts, and my heart. I absolutely hated the way she just recited what I wrote like it was nothing; like my dreams are insignificant. I feel that this is the way she treats me ALL the time. I just had a conversation with her because I decided to apologize for saying 'f*ck', which I believe is completely irrelevant to everything that happened. I just don't know anymore. This conversation we had went nowhere because all she could think about was the fact that I used profanity. She didn't care at all about how much she hurt me. She even said, "The fact that you're upset is irrelevant to me." I don't plan on ever living at home after this summer and possibly winter break. But I just want to get along. I just want a mother that I can have conversations with without being judged....and without other people knowing what I tell her, because she ALWAYS tells people what I tell her. I don't feel that I can trust her. She goes on and on about her good intentions and how she can only do what she can. But put quite honestly, she needs to work on her character. I feel that I've gotten to a point where I can't learn from her or grow from being around her. In many areas of life, I'm more mature that she is. Still, I want to be able to feel that I love her. My brothers and sisters are attached to her, and all I want is to feel like I'm part of a family in it's truest sense. I just don't know anymore. I leave for school on August 31st, and I doubt that I will ever live at home again. I'm so sad and confused and I just want someone to listen to me without taking what I say about myself and using it against me later; to make me feel that I shouldn't be proud of myself because I'm not "who I was raised to be". I am my own person, not my mother's little dummy she can mold and change to feel proud of herself as a parent, or brag to other parents about. I'm a different generation with very different views on most things. I don't know. I may be being very dramatic, but I just want some closure.

Liza | age 18 | July 23, 2010

Ivette says...

It sounds like a very harsh situation to go through, but quite frankly you're not alone. This is not an official syndrome but some parents go through the "MY KID IS IN COLLEGE, OMG!?" phase where they miss you and they miss you a lot. I think that in reality your mom really misses you and that's why she is acting the way she is. This is the first summer you're home after college and that's why she wants to be all up in your business in a way for her to feel attached to you after you left home. I don't know if you or any of the readers have noticed that when you come back home from college (if you're in a different town) your parents are extra happy to see you and want to make you your favorite dinners, buy you things, wants to talk to you, they're unusually polite, etc.and a couple of days past and it seems like they go back to their usual self and may even behave a little mean to you. Believe it or not this is pretty normal. Here is a person that has had a baby, raised it, has seen its ups and down, took him or her to school, saw them grow and mature, and suddenly their kid leaves. The relationship changes, and this may drive parents berserk. Your mom shows that she may have been in your bedroom long before you returned fondling over your things to find a sign of life. My mom did it to me. I had an illustrative diary that I made the first year of college for an art appreciation class and I left it home, and one day she called me scared and out of her mind because I wrote a certain quote about sex and she thought I was having sex with strangers. Which was not true at all, a teacher read us a quote and we were suppose to illustrate what we felt when we heard it. She was not happy and I actually felt insulted that she went through my things. Parents do that though, they feel sad and they end up in our rooms trying to smell our clothes or look for little things that remind them of us living with them at one point. It seems like in your situation this has slowly escalated to a point where you feel your relationship is damaged. Your mom probably feels sad about you two as well, so I would recommend you to do some simple exercise. A simple "Hello, how was your day?" can change a lot. Your mom will feel like you actually care about her day and she will feel loved. You can also tell her something funny you read on the internet or saw on the TV. I am not saying you're going to instantly start bonding, but these will be kind of the ice breakers so you can open up more each day. On a side note, I would really think you should re-evaluate the whole situation. It was simply a misunderstanding, and she was wrong on going through your things, and you acted well on ignoring the whole situation. But when you explode like that, your mom may think you're just immature and you don't care about her or her feelings. When a situation escalates like that, take a breather. Calmly tell her you will be right back and leave the room. Removing you from the situation will make you get composed enough and go back and clearly just tell her (respectfully) that you feel challenged and bothered, and you would like to talk about it another time. If you think she can't handle her temper or attitude, control yours. When you feel things are getting better and your relationship is improving talk to your mom about her attitude, you can say a simple, "My mom sometimes when you do X and Y, it hurts me." It's better when you call out her behavior than classify it as her (ie. You're nosy vs. You snoop around sometimes). Because usually when you use words such as "You are ____" the person feels attacked and gets defensive. Be calm and stay positive, this happens to many people believe it or not. Even though you may feel more mature and competent than your mom in handling situations realized that maybe she is going through a hard time dealing with you not there among other things, and she will respond less efficient than you would in a similar situation. Either way, I hope everything changes for the best, good luck!

Tags: advice, relationships, big sister, parents, college, secrets, drama, tips, family, diary

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