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Trust Is Kind of Important

I need some help. I met two guys this week (Clay and Sam). They're both 21, if that helps. They're from around my hometown because I was in town for spring break. A friend's boyfriend gave them my number. I hung out with Clay the night I met them and it turns out the two guys are best friends. I knew I really liked Sam. He asked me out on a date and I went and he is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted in a guy and exactly what I have been looking for. Everything went great and he told me many times he liked me.

Later that night I said I wanted to be honest with him and told him I had hung out with Clay. I said I didn't like Clay and I didn't even know they were friends and Sam was cool with it. This morning Clay wouldn't quit texting me, so I told him I liked Sam and then he went into this whole deal saying, "ohh, so Sam is better than me, okay I'll leave you two be." I told Sam about it and he was like, "I'm sorry, hun, he's my best friend. I gotta back down."

I told him I understand but I didn't want him to. He said he had to. I talked with Clay and he came to realize Sam would be better for me. So he told me he would back down. I told him to tell Sam, so he did. I asked Sam if he and Clay talked. He said, "yeah but I'm sorry, that's messed up that you went to Clay about me after we already talked." I'm not sure how I went to Clay, I was just trying to set things straight. So I apologized and he said it was fine and I said it wasn't. Then I waited about two hours and told him I'd really like to chill with him and talk that night, but he never responded. I went back to school two hours away the next day. I REALLY like Sam and I don't know what to do. Please help!

alwaystheirbro | age 19 | March 9, 2010

Daniel says...

Okay, you live two hours away from these guys and you have known them for all of a week and you're convinced you want to fall on your sword for one of them. It seems that you are jumping to conclusions just a bit. You don't know these guys all that well and yet you are very clearly meddling in their friendship. You justify it to yourself that you are "just trying to set things straight," but you manipulated them into seeing things your way. And then, even worse, you didn't trust them to talk to one another and work things out! They're best friends, and yet you didn't think they would make the decision that was best for them and their friendship. In effect, you pit the two of them against one another and hoped you would come out on top. Predictably, though, these guys valued their friendship more than a potential relationship with a girl who doesn't trust them.

It goes without saying that you have likely ruined whatever chance you once had with the two of them for the time being. That's not to say you can't keep in touch with them. If you're friendly enough with them, you may be able to earn yourself a second chance with them when you return home for the summer. Given that you are a couple hours away and you haven't really known them that long, it's not worth worrying about whether or not you can start a romantic relationship with either one of them at this point. Given your age and the newness of your friendships with these guys, it is unlikely they'd want to jump right into a long-distance relationship anyway.

Tags: ask a guy, advice, relationships, gauging interest, trust, meddling in friendships

Published on March 9, 2010 by Daniel | Read all recent Ask A Guy articles.