Big Sister

Frenemy: I Want Your Boyfriend

Hello I've returned for some girl advice this time instead of guy advice. My last post on here was quite a while back, about a boy who liked me and who I liked back, but was hesitant because of other people. Since then, I've taken some advice telling me to just think of myself for once and we're now seeing each other, we have the perfect relationship as we're good friends too and have been for over a year. There is one, um, problem though. She was one of my best friends until I starting dating this guy and although we still act like good mates around each other, I won't think of her the same again. He's one of her good mates too, the three of us used to be inseparable. I knew she liked him since year 7 (first year of highschool), but he never showed interest in her, he just didn't like her that way. She was pretty much obsessed with him, talking about him all the time and such. It was only the beginning of this year I started having feelings towards him, but I knew he'd liked me for a long time before that, and after much encouragement we got together. The only thing that was putting me off was her, thinking of what would happen and it's just my luck that all those things have happened. I never got round to sitting her down and telling her that I was seeing this guy myself, but her loud mouthed friend beat me to it, making me look like a complete bitch while she was at it. Since then my 'friend' has been doing numerous things to make me look worse than what I am. She started to do things for sympathy. Then she started to dress differently around him, wearing hot pants and skimpy vests on cold days etc. when she's the sort of person you would have to bribe out of baggy jeans and a sweater. It's been over a month now and I would've thought she'd have stopped her antics even a little bit, but she hasn't. She even joins Facebook pages aimed at me, for example "Chill bitch, he was my friend before he was your boyfriend" which is fair enough if I'd had turned around and told her to stop talking to him because he's mine....but I haven't, I let them hang out all the same. How can she blame me for getting a little touchy when she acts flirty around him still, that's not being friendly that's being flirtatious. It's really starting to get to me and sitting her down and speaking to her seems to get me nowhere. What does she want me to do, break up with him to make her happy? Well, of course she does, but I'm not going to, I can't help who I fall for. He's already told her he wouldn't go for her, so it's a typical "I can't have you, so no one else can either." Any ideas what I can do? Or if she'll stop anytime soon? Thanks

TheDreamer | age 15 | July 23, 2010

Ivette says...

Your best bet is to just confront her in her actions. She doesn't sound like a good friend to be around at all. Passive aggressive behavior is frustrating especially when you can feel it but no one can really see it. Call her on that, ask her if she has been mad at you for something. If she tries to play it off ask her if she's sure and if it's because you're dating X and Y. If she says no just call her out and list some examples that you said here. Tell her how you have felt that there has been tension in your friendship and how you have linked it since you started dating this guy. If she tells you everything is cool, tell her that you hope so and that you really wanted to tell her the day he asked you out but someone beat you to it and that you wanted to get her approval (just so she can feel special). If things don't change much, this girl is a frenemy. Put a stall on her absurd and immature behavior and explain these things to your boyfriend. If she starts being catty and doing stuff online in facebook, ignore it. She's jealous, and jealous friends are poisonous. Enjoy your relationship and be happy with what you have. Sometimes, those girls aren't even worth being friends for if they want to fight for a boy they had a crush on. Either way, a great way to make an enemy mad is killing them with kindness. If she's trying to slutty it up to get your boyfriend compliment how she looks, at the end of the day your boyfriend thinks about you at night.

Tags: advice, big sister, crushes, friends, friendships, high school, girl, drama, boyfriends, boy

Published on July 23, 2010 by Ivette | Read all recent Big Sister articles.